ScamPause

Signs Someone May Be Caught in a Scam

• They're suddenly secretive about phone calls, emails, or financial matters
• They mention a new online friend or romantic interest they've never met in person
• They're withdrawing large amounts of cash or buying gift cards frequently
• They've received unexpected calls about computer problems, tax issues, or account fraud
• They mention urgent situations requiring immediate money transfers
• They're defensive or evasive when asked about recent financial decisions
• They've been told not to discuss the situation with family or friends

How To Approach the Conversation

Choose the Right Time and Place

Find a private, calm moment when you won't be interrupted. Avoid bringing this up in front of other people or when emotions are already running high.

Lead With Concern, Not Judgment

Start by expressing that you care about them and are worried. Avoid phrases like "How could you fall for that?" or "That's obviously a scam." Instead, try:

• "I've been worried about you lately. Can we talk?"
• "I care about you, and I want to make sure you're okay."
• "I've noticed some things that concern me. Can you help me understand what's going on?"

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Help them talk through the situation without feeling interrogated:

• "Can you tell me more about this person/company you've been talking to?"
• "How did this relationship or situation start?"
• "What have they asked you to do so far?"
• "Does anyone else know about this?"

Listen Without Interrupting

Let them explain the full situation. Resist the urge to immediately point out red flags. Understanding their perspective will help you respond more effectively.

Gently Point Out Red Flags

Once they've shared their story, you can raise concerns:

• "I'm concerned because legitimate companies don't usually ask for payment in gift cards."
• "It worries me that they're asking you to keep this secret from family."
• "The urgency they're creating feels like pressure, and that's a common tactic scammers use."

Offer to Verify Together

Suggest checking the legitimacy together rather than telling them what to do:

• "Let's look up this company's real phone number and call them directly."
• "Can we search online to see if others have reported this?"
• "Would you be willing to show this email/message to someone who works in tech or finance?"

What To Do If They're Already Deeply Involved

If your loved one has already sent money or shared personal information, or if they're resistant to hearing your concerns:

Don't Force It

Pushing too hard can drive them closer to the scammer. Scammers often tell victims that friends and family "just don't understand" or are "jealous." If they're not ready to hear you, plant seeds of doubt and stay available.

Stay Connected

Even if they don't accept your help immediately, maintain the relationship. Let them know you're there whenever they need you, without judgment.

Document What You Can

If they're willing to share information, help them keep records of all communications, transactions, and promises made. This documentation may be useful later for reporting or recovery efforts.

Involve Others Carefully

If the person is elderly or vulnerable, you may need to involve other family members, their doctor, or even adult protective services. However, be cautious about making them feel ganged up on or losing their autonomy.

Consider Financial Safeguards

If they're in immediate financial danger and you have legal authority (like power of attorney), you may need to work with their bank to add alerts, limits, or additional verification requirements on their accounts.

Supporting Them After the Scam

If your loved one realizes they've been scammed:

• Reassure them it's not their fault. Scammers are professionals who manipulate emotions expertly.
• Help them take immediate action. Guide them through the steps on our What To Do Now page.
• Don't say "I told you so." They're already feeling embarrassed and upset.
• Watch for signs of depression or anxiety. Being scammed can be traumatic. Encourage them to talk to a counselor if needed.
• Help them regain confidence. Remind them that their trust and kindness are good qualities that scammers exploited, not weaknesses.

Prevention Going Forward

Help your loved one build defenses against future scams:

• Suggest they adopt a "pause and verify" rule for any unexpected contact
• Encourage them to check with you or another trusted person before making major financial decisions
• Help them set up account alerts and security measures with their bank
• Share this website and other scam education resources with them